Client Testimonials

"I was going to steal a penguin from the zoo. He told me penguins bite and require distinct climate control. I stole a hamster instead. 5 Stars." — Sticky Fingers Steve

"He pointed out that 'The Butler Did It' is not a valid legal defense if I do not have a butler. Saved me 10-to-life." — Anonymous

"I wanted to rob a bank using a banana in my pocket. He reminded me that banks have 4K cameras and guards with real guns. I am now a baker." — Bread Pitt

"I was gonna drop 'Murder on Main St.', but he told me the DA follows me on Spotify. We renamed it to 'Community Service on Main St.' It flopped, but I'm free." — Lil' Plea Deal

"He told me my cousin Ray-Ray would snitch for a McChicken. Ray-Ray snitched for a McChicken and a small fry. This guy is a psychic." — Tony Two-Times

"Saved me from wearing my custom bowling league jersey with my last name on the back to the 'job'. Real pro." — Strikeout Sammy